Goodbye Old Boy

Yesterday I made the hard decision and had Peach put to sleep. In a way I feel vindicated since I actually was able to make the decision and was there with him - unlike Friskey. He was such a brat and had so many behavioral problems, but he was still a sweet, silly cat for the (almost) 12 years I had him.

I know I'll never have as vocal of a cat as he was again. He could be so loud to the point it was just obnoxious. I think he was part dog. I plan on leash-training my next cat though. I had forgotten how nice it was to walk him. The last place I lived it just was not possible, but he got plenty of walks in the 6 months I've been here.

Poor Xena. I woke up in the middle of the night and she wasn't with me. I found her sitting at my roommate's closed door. Peach used to go in there a lot and I know she was waiting for him. Nearly broke my heart. They were nearly inseparable.

I'm glad that he's not suffering and that I was able to go through with putting him down. If I had kept him going any longer I would have been being selfish and so weak. He didn't seem like he was in pain, but he was having trouble walking and keeping his balance. Dr Barry said he was very anemic. So no amount of fluids would have helped. And, well, he doesn't have to deal with those daily injections now. I hated doing that to him.



When I lost Friskey I nearly lost him too. I was able to focus my grief into helping him get back on his feet. I believe the time in between then and now was extra time. He's probably up there bothering the hell out of her now - Like he used to here.

As much as I hate the snow - I don't mind that its snowing now.

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I don't know why I feel so compelled to write this stuff. Its doing nothing but upsetting me. I really mind being single now. I just want someone here to give me a hug. Did I give into weakness by going to Tammy's the night Friskey died? I appreciate her being there for me, but it wasn't exactly what I needed. I did not want to be alone then. But beyond that, I wanted someone who I knew wanted to be there for me. [sighs] I dunno, maybe she didn't know what to do. I'm not pointing fingers or casting blame. I appreciated her being there - Whether or not she wanted to be.

It's bad to say, but the cats being sick is one thing which prevented me from going places and doing things. So now I am free to do more. I've just thrust myself into this pit of solitude and I'm not sure how to get myself out. Right now I just want to sleep. I've been sleeping so much though with this damn cold. I look like absolute hell. Going to work last night was crazy - And I look 100x better now then I did last night.

But, I'll be working tonight. I can't just sit here and write, or sleep constantly.

I must learn to write in this blog when good things happen.