I still dwell in possibility

What a busy week it has been. New trainee last Monday and a new one today, one informal review and one formal reviews done. Michelle has been promoted so I will be training her this week also. Thankfully I've released Andrew from under my wing. I'll have yet another trainee within the next two weeks.

And top it off with Aaron getting fired. I think we were all surprised, but then, we also were not surprised. I feel bad for the guy, I always considered him a friend; but he did it all to himself. He knew people had problems with him as a supervisor. His ability, his willingness, his attitude - Everything. He had 6 months to improve.

While he never should have been promoted in the first place, and I said so from the start (Very vocally which put a strain on our friendship), he had every opportunity to shape up. I mean, just because you are gay it does not give you the right to demean women and make comments about how "boobs are icky". While it never offended me, I can see how it would and how it would make others uncomfortable. It sounds so incredibly childish; and it was - Just think, now he has the fact he was fired (and in part for sexual harassment) is going to really hurt him. I mean, he had it made. What an idiot.

I have to admit, I went easy on him in my review earlier this month. I was honest and stated I felt he improved, but I did not go into a great amount of detail regarding improvement areas. I knew others were going to lambast him, and rightly so. I let the fact he was recently diagnosed with HIV make some of that decision for me. But honestly, he had improved. But man, I didn't want to see him shit on any more. I really did not expect his firing.

I spent entirely too long talking about that.

It is a year today that Friskey died. Words cannot express how completely guilty I feel. I should never have left her to go off on some stupid trip knowing she was going downhill. She so deserved better then that and I will feel guilty the rest of my life for such a selfish act. I remember a friend telling me that maybe she waited until I was gone. But I don't believe it. And I know I made the choice I did, in part, because I couldn't bear to put her to sleep. With Peach in February, I feel good that I made the right decision. But he was suffering - And if Friskey was, I could not see it. Maybe I didn't want to. Maybe that was it.

Maybe I talked so much about work because I didn't want to write about this. I thought this kind of loss got easier with time. I should be happy she lived with me for almost 18 years. I know people make bonds with their pets and they believe their pets were/are the best. It was such a different bond. It was as if we had our own little language. Heh, these are the things I should keep to myself at the risk of sounding crazy.

It has been one hell of a year though. Very difficult and trying. I hope the 30's are better. Aren't they supposed to be the new 20's? Actually, that's probably something that those in their 30's say to make themselves feel better. Heh.

And I have no reason or excuse, but I've started smoking again. It's just strange. After almost a year I just started. Really no urges at all during that time. It was just what was when I wasn't smoking, and now it just what is now. I really don't think I will continue long though. I won't smoke when I go home next month. I really don't want to admit that I started again. Ah, but going home for a week will be real nice.